The Long Road to 26.2

I have never been a runner. 

Growing up, dance absolutely consumed my life. By the time I was in my late tweens I was dancing 35-40 hours a week, and by the time I was in University, I had put a pause on my dance career to pursue my undergraduate degrees and professional theater. For my entire life I’ve been in pursuit of a full time, absolute goal. School, dance, and performance kept me in constant motion towards something every hour of the day, every day of the week for twenty-two years. Then, in June, I realized that graduation meant… life was on its way. The cold, dark, foreboding “rest of my life” which I’ve heard so much about loomed imminent, ready to strike with a venomous sting at any moment-

Okay. Maybe that’s a little dramatic. But, the reality was I was heading towards a future with few concrete plans. Being the goal driven being that I am, I began subconsciously grasping at whatever I could to manage some form of a new something which I could strive for in the post-grad winter (okay, again, maybe a little dramatic, but-). In early June, just days before graduation, I had made up my mind. This would be the year that I ran my marathon. 

As a child my dad had run endurance events, and given that I grew up watching them (and that I had zero interest in paying for a gym membership) running seemed like an accessible starting place for my post grad fitness journey. I had always been interested in engaging with traditional sports, but they’d simply never been a part of my life; the idea of competing is alien, and the thought that there could be stat driven data about my performance is equally exciting and intimidating. I can confidently say a marathon has been a silent goal of mine for years, but given that I’ve been in full time pursuit of other things, it just didn’t seem possible until now. 

I called my mom to tell her, and she replied with a genuinely supportive “Okay, great! But can you wait until after graduation?”.

I started that day. 

I’ve been running between three and five days a week for a few weeks now, and I’ve learned more than a few things. Some of these facts are more important than others, but they’ve all felt like pretty huge discoveries. 

First: shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes! Having real life running shoes makes all the difference in the world. I guess I should have known this, coming from dance, but buying an actual pair of running shoes felt like an absolute must for my running sustainability. Less blisters means less excuses to not go out. Less pounding on the ground means less soreness means less excuses not to go out. See where I’m going with this? I’m wearing Saucony Ride17s, and I have absolutely no complaints so far! 

Second: Running is hard. Like, really hard. But it’s getting better! It’s so rewarding to feel the distances and intervals slowly get easier– and less stressful– over time. I went from being openly intimidated by a 6k to running twice that without the mental exhaustion that comes with fear. As I have often come to learn in my life, fear isn’t going to get you very far. Even when it’s hard, it’s rewarding to champion that challenge. 

Third, and arguably most importantly: fitness isn’t a linear journey. I’m going to say it again for my own sake. 

Fitness is not a linear journey. 

Like I said above, when I entered my higher education, all of my dance went to the way-side. I went from dancing full time, to transitioning to theater, to living at home for a year and a half during the pandemic, to returning to college with an absolute fire under my ass to get as much out of my schooling experience as possible. All of these things are amazing, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world (well, except maybe being at home for a year and a half), but they ultimately meant that health and wellness got deprioritized for me. I wasn’t working out 40 hours a week anymore, and on top of that, I had this new adult body to deal with: it moves differently, dances differently, stretches differently, handles food differently, and ultimately changed the way I have to approach fitness.

While throughout college I held my own in my movement classes, stretched enough, and tried my best to eat well, I wouldn’t categorize myself as particularly fit. This lifestyle change necessitated a mindset change: I am not as fit as I used to be, and that’s okay. I can be. I can be more fit than I was before so long as I actually work hard (and I mean it– eating well and putting in the effort can be a full time job on their own) and make changes. That’s all I’m trying to do right now. 

This is not to say there haven’t been days where I’ve been frustrated. I’ve thought about how strong I was when I was dancing and longed to be catapulted straight back to that set of muscles. However, I’m working on accepting myself as a whole series of personal machines: artist, athlete, and feeling, thinking person. There are days where I feel great, and there are days where I feel terrible, but ultimately, I’m just grateful for the opportunity to give this a try. 

That’s what I’m doing- I’m trying. Trying something new for the first time, trying to make long lasting healthy changes, trying to establish a practice of self compassion and love. I can’t wait to keep you all updated about these trials: the successes, the failures, and everything in between. I’m having a really good time running, and I just can’t wait to keep trying.